Honestly

Honestly, what I thought was love was all an illusion

Actually, I kept lying to myself the whole time

To put it frankly, I tried to make myself believe this was true

When, in fact, it was all just a figment of my excited and insecure imagination

To be quite honest, I grew attached and comfortable

And truthfully, I confused that with true love

Undoubtedly, I cared about you and you cared about me

But unfortunately, this just was not meant to be

Sadly, there’s nothing left to make me not want to leave

But gladly, I still get to keep me.

Not Yours to Take

I saw this pretty little butterfly once

I tried to catch it in my hands but it kept escaping

I found an old empty jar

And I caught the butterfly in it, sealed it and poked some holes in the lid

I named my new friend Marlene

The little thing went crazy trying to find an exit

Hitting and bumping the sides of the jar

But eventually it calmed down and nestled into the bottom of the jar

Then I realized it wasn’t opening its pretty wings anymore

Something was wrong with it,

I thought.

I shook the jar in this way and that way

But the butterfly didn’t move a single wing

Stupid butterfly, good for nothing.

I went to an open window and opened the jar to throw the butterfly outside

But as soon as I opened the lid,

It flew out, flapping its beautiful wings and fluttering about

I tried to reach out for it

But it flew away

For good.

Little Butterfly

invisible


but never invincible

sounds so cliché

so un-amazing

...like me

right?



harsh words

harsher glares

all beat me down

i fall down the stairs

i can't get back up

cuz i can't stop rolling

down and down

and down and down

these spiral stairs

that go nowhere

but go forever

while everyone stares



sitting here alone, again

closing my eyes as i count to ten

breathing backwards...

or so it seems when you're crying

hurt many times, but i'm still not dying



it's kind of like a little butterfly



after it's been mistaken for some nasty creature

and the attempted assassination hurt all its pretty features

and the face of death smacked the surface it had just touched

while others flutter about in the sunshine of may

and this poor little butterfly is stuck in your home all day



sucks, right?



poor little butterfly, stuck in a rut

poor little butterfly, stuck in a hut

poor little butterfly, far from roaming free

poor little butterfly, poor little me.

Lunatic Insomnia

It's 3:42 Thursday morning
I can't sleep
Something is bothering me
Thought I had a friend I could call in times like these
But it seems that friend is way too busy for me
Even though, when with me, they're never too busy for everyone else
3:45 and the torment slips in
Do I cry? Keep calling? Get angry?
Or try to go to sleep?
Here I am writing, giving myself reason to stay awake
Trying to show insomnia who's boss
But I'm still thinking, what a friend
I'm shaking my head, recalling all those times anyone has ever said to me,
"You can call me anytime, whenever you need a friend."
Well, I need one now but the only reliable ones are this paper and pen
And they are not human, they are managed by me
Essentially, I am my friend
My only true friend
While all others fail miserably
I give up on them, and like a mad lunatic
Talk to my only friend, myself

Define "Woman"

What does the word "woman" really mean?

Does it mean submission to man?

Does it mean preoccupation with beauty?

Or is a woman defined by her spiritual beauty in submission to God?

Is it the way she carries herself?

The way she speaks?

Or is it the way she wonders if she's good enough and then tells herself that, yes, she is?

What is a woman?

What does the word really mean?

Accustomed to Costume

Sometimes I really wonder when I can give up this disguise.
Running around everywhere
Feeling so out of place.
When people see me smile, they don't know
That behind each smile lies a struggle
To tune out the unfair and
The insecurity of believing
No one cares...
Saying is different from showing.
Everyone wears a disguise
It's all about who tells
The best lies...

Currently

Currently
I can't think about anything else
While you think about everything else
Do you really wonder what goes on in my mind?
Or is asking just one of your signature lines?
I wonder how your mind works and it makes me anxious
Funny how you used to say the same thing
Roles always switch
My eyes sometimes twitch
Sometimes I seem like a...sigh
But put yourself in my uncomfortable shoes
And remember that once that used to be you
Sometimes, lies turn out to be true
Like how I told myself I wouldn't,
And I'd figured that I couldn't
But it just so turns out I do.
Sometimes I may overreact
But I cannot help it when you're the one performing the act
I'm always told to open up
But when I finally do, I'm interrupted
Constantly interrupted
And then I'm asked how I feel
Well, I--
Nevermind.
Don't wanna waste my time.