Smile! =)

I recently realized that although many try, the only person who can put a smile on my face is myself. I just have to decide whether to smile or not. I can't expect anyone else to make me smile, especially if I can't make myself smile. Likewise, I can't make anyone else smile if I can't make myself smile. I have full control of my life, with many surprises that God throws my way. I control my destiny. I refuse to be vulnerable to anything, especially love for someone else. I must love myself completely first. Then, I will love with all that is left over. If I don't care for myself, who will? I refuse to define myself through someone else. I do believe it is possible to love without losing your true self. In fact, love can make you lose your outer shell and make your inner soul strong enough to not need a façade. To me, vulnerability means compromising your true self, true being. I refuse to do that; I can't do that. The only thing I can compromise is what appears on the surface. And ultimately, surface feelings, appearances, behaviors, actions, moods, etc. are neither important nor vital to my survival.

Nothing Is Good For You

She's back in that dream again
She's back in that Nothing land...

Nothing ever goes my way
Nothing is what I get these days
Nothing in my pockets
Nothing in my hands
Nothing will change this unpleasant scene
Nothing to cover my eyes with
Nothing will prevent disease
Nothing will comfort and ease
Nothing is as sweet as that kiss on the cheek
Nothing is warm
Nothing is neat
Nothing makes me smile
Nothing's here to visit...and it'll stay for a while
Nothing is great!
Nothing is wonderful!
Nothing I do goes well!
Nothing does what I intend it to do!
Nothing!
You hear me?! NOTHING!
Because Something is too much
And Everything's a waste
And Anything can go wrong
So ask God for Nothing
Trust me, it's magnificent
Nothing is magnificent!
So I shall ask for Nothing
And I shall receive Nothing
I shall want Nothing
I shall need Nothing
Nothing is greater than Anything great could be

Nothing will save me
And it'll save you too
If you let NOTHING
Come between Heaven and you....

Robotic Chicken with Marital Problems?

I had the strangest dream a few nights ago. It totally reminded me of how awesomely random my mind can be!

So in my dream, I was inside an apartment. I was standing at the doorway of a bedroom looking out into the living room. The backside of the main couch was faced towards the doorway of the bedroom. Two human-sized robotic chickens had gotten up from the couch and started having a domestic argument! One was a female and the other was a male. The male was wearing a white baseball cap with the letters "BB" on it and his mouth was more like a mouth-shaped cage. He kept shooting giant yellow plastic BB pellets everytime he opened his mouth to yell or talk. The female chicken kept yelling at him, "Stop it!" But he couldn't stop because his mouth-cage stored many of those BB pellets and they kept shooting automatically.

If this dream was about humans having a domestic argument, it would've been quite a distressing dream. But the fact that it was two robotic chickens going at it made it quite comical and hilarious! Geez, I love my brain!

P.S. If anyone can analyze this dream, please feel free to do so. And let me know what you conclude! =P

I'm Sorry...Not Really

I’m sorry...

1. that I want so much
2. that I care
3. that I have hope
4. that I can’t give up
5. that I try
6. that I want to live
7. that I want to be perfect
8. that I don’t know what perfect is
9. that I don’t want to be a copy
10. that I want to be unique
11. that I cry
12. that I scream
13. that I want to be known
14. that I want to be understood
15. that I know the difference between being known and being understood
16. that I blame myself
17. that I blame everyone else
18. that I can’t seem to stay still
19. that I feel trapped
20. that I accuse others of enclosing me
21. that I feel left out
22. that I don’t belong
23. that I can’t find what I’m looking for
24. that I spill things
25. that I drop things
26. that I have to fix other people’s spelling errors
27. that I know how to
28. that I don’t give a damn
29. that I keep making this list longer
30. that I want attention
31. that I feel neglected
32. that I feel abandoned
33. that I feel neglected
34. that I said that twice
35. that I don’t know what to do
36. that I do whatever it is I do
37. that I want to grow up
38. that I want to stay young
39. that I obsess over things
40. that I over-analyze
41. that I…lower my head in disappointment and shame
42. that I like to be prepared
43. that I never stop
44. that I don’t know when to stop
45. that I am poor
46. that I like to be proper
47. that I am under pressure
48. that I can’t resist
49. that I don’t give in
50. that I contradict myself
51. that I don't look like you
52. that I don't want to look like you
53. that I wish I could live like a queen
54. that I refuse not to be me
55. that I am my own worst enemy
56. that I would never let you get the best of me
57. that I can keep on going with this list
58. that I don't have nearly enough time for this...