Accustomed to Costume

Sometimes I really wonder when I can give up this disguise.
Running around everywhere
Feeling so out of place.
When people see me smile, they don't know
That behind each smile lies a struggle
To tune out the unfair and
The insecurity of believing
No one cares...
Saying is different from showing.
Everyone wears a disguise
It's all about who tells
The best lies...

Currently

Currently
I can't think about anything else
While you think about everything else
Do you really wonder what goes on in my mind?
Or is asking just one of your signature lines?
I wonder how your mind works and it makes me anxious
Funny how you used to say the same thing
Roles always switch
My eyes sometimes twitch
Sometimes I seem like a...sigh
But put yourself in my uncomfortable shoes
And remember that once that used to be you
Sometimes, lies turn out to be true
Like how I told myself I wouldn't,
And I'd figured that I couldn't
But it just so turns out I do.
Sometimes I may overreact
But I cannot help it when you're the one performing the act
I'm always told to open up
But when I finally do, I'm interrupted
Constantly interrupted
And then I'm asked how I feel
Well, I--
Nevermind.
Don't wanna waste my time.

Aveces

Aveces
Sometimes
I confuse myself sometimes
That kinda thing pisses me off
I never know what's going on
Sporadic thoughts just embrace my head
I get lost when I think ahead
I don't know what the future holds
What does that even mean?
Am I supposed to know?
Sporadic thoughts triggering this lead
I don't know what I'm writing
I just hold the pen
Sometimes I chew on the cap
Sometimes I go tap! tap!
Sometimes I drop the pen or pencil
Sometimes I drop a thought on a piece of paper
And forget it's there
When I pick it up, I shed a tear
Aveces, yo siento frio
Is it just me, or is it cold in here?
I'm not cold, I'm hot
I'm not old, I'm a tot
I wanna save the world from self-destruction
But too many people are subconsciously suicidal
"I f*cking hate my life"
A pen and paper can't save lives.
Well, maybe it can
At least...this one time.

Raining Inside and Out

It's like when you're in bed hidden under your covers and you're sniffling and your eyes get watery and you try really hard not to cry because you share a room with a sibling and if they were to know that you're crying it'd be more embarrassing than the reason why you're crying in the first place so you try to stay as quiet and as still as possible under the shield created by your covers but you really can't control it any longer so the tears just well up and start to creep sideways off of your cheeks and onto your pillow and you sniffle even louder than before and this time the sound of the sniffle implies that watery mucus has made its way through your nasal passageways and into your nostrils as is the case when one is crying but you still attempt to control it by not sniffling but all the mucus builds up in your nostrils and unless you sniffle it will be all over your pillow flirting with the salty tears which have also fallen off your face and you try to think happy thoughts but everything somehow relates back to the reason for which you are crying and you sniffle again slowly as if that makes it quieter but your sibling hears you and asks if you are crying and you simply reply with an uhn-uh and they either believe you and go back to sleep or they don’t believe you and look towards you for a few seconds then go back to sleep and you just lie still trying not to sniffle anymore until eventually you get a headache from all the emotional-turned-physical stress and you let a few last tears out and fall asleep and when you wake up in the morning you stay in bed quiet with your head fully uncovered and as if nothing had ever happened. Love, of any kind, is like that.

So Describes Me...

So I really am a shy girl, but I'm learning to open up a little more each day! =)

I took the "flower symbolism" quiz on gURL.com
		my romance flower is a gardenia Do you have a hard time talking to your sweetie about your feelings? Do you get tongue-tied around your crush? If so, your flower is the gardenia. Read more... What kind of flower symbolizes your romance?

Smile! =)

I recently realized that although many try, the only person who can put a smile on my face is myself. I just have to decide whether to smile or not. I can't expect anyone else to make me smile, especially if I can't make myself smile. Likewise, I can't make anyone else smile if I can't make myself smile. I have full control of my life, with many surprises that God throws my way. I control my destiny. I refuse to be vulnerable to anything, especially love for someone else. I must love myself completely first. Then, I will love with all that is left over. If I don't care for myself, who will? I refuse to define myself through someone else. I do believe it is possible to love without losing your true self. In fact, love can make you lose your outer shell and make your inner soul strong enough to not need a façade. To me, vulnerability means compromising your true self, true being. I refuse to do that; I can't do that. The only thing I can compromise is what appears on the surface. And ultimately, surface feelings, appearances, behaviors, actions, moods, etc. are neither important nor vital to my survival.

Nothing Is Good For You

She's back in that dream again
She's back in that Nothing land...

Nothing ever goes my way
Nothing is what I get these days
Nothing in my pockets
Nothing in my hands
Nothing will change this unpleasant scene
Nothing to cover my eyes with
Nothing will prevent disease
Nothing will comfort and ease
Nothing is as sweet as that kiss on the cheek
Nothing is warm
Nothing is neat
Nothing makes me smile
Nothing's here to visit...and it'll stay for a while
Nothing is great!
Nothing is wonderful!
Nothing I do goes well!
Nothing does what I intend it to do!
Nothing!
You hear me?! NOTHING!
Because Something is too much
And Everything's a waste
And Anything can go wrong
So ask God for Nothing
Trust me, it's magnificent
Nothing is magnificent!
So I shall ask for Nothing
And I shall receive Nothing
I shall want Nothing
I shall need Nothing
Nothing is greater than Anything great could be

Nothing will save me
And it'll save you too
If you let NOTHING
Come between Heaven and you....