Over a year ago

"I feel like there isn’t anyone willing to listen to all I have to say. Everyone is so busy with what’s on the surface that they don’t look into my eyes and realize that something is wrong. And it’s not like I need everyone to listen to everything. Even if it’s one person listening to some part of it, someone else to another part, that’d be perfectly fine with me. I just need to get it all out. I’ve been bottling it all up since a very young age; I’ve never been able to actually trust anyone. It’s starting to get in the way of a lot of things in my life. I used to cry a lot when I was little; it was my way of releasing stress, anger, sadness, etc. I find it so hard to shed a genuine tear nowadays, as if my eyes had been wrapped in plastic and filled with sand. As if some force forbid my eyes to well up and let out a teardrop or two. As if my pain isn’t anything, as if I were numb to my own feelings, suffering, hurt. Sick, and there’s no medicine to ease my symptoms. Diseased, and there’s no cure. Oppressed, and no one to rescue me.
So, here I am dying on the inside, and I can’t let out a single tear…"

I wrote that in my journal over a year ago, when I was feeling really empty inside. At the time, I felt like I had not even one true friend, despite all the people in my life. It's funny how you can be surrounded by lots of people and get along great with most of them, but when you really need to vent there's no one there to listen and allow you to cry. I realized that in order for me to have any true friends, I have to truly be friends with myself. Consciously and subconsciously, I started a process of self-healing. I started writing a lot more than before. I started looking at everything differently, and I really mean EVERYTHING! The littlest and/or strangest things and even mundane, ordinary things would inspire a spark of creativity in me and it wasn't because those things were great; it was because I allowed my mind to see things in a different light, from a different angle. I started to change in so many ways, letting go of so many negative feelings about life and just living it and improving it. There are many things in life that you can't control, but you can always control your mentality and outlook! The new positive outlook brought so many wonderful things, people, moments and opportunities into my life. It's amazing! It's over a year later, and I must say, I've never felt better!

If there are two things I'd like you to learn from my experience, it's that it's important to truly love and respect yourself and that you should always try to see the brighter side of things. It's much more beautiful to look at! =)