How come everytime I get really upset--heartbroken, actually--I shut out the rest of the world and cry. At the moment, I can't even think straight; flashbacks and memories just run through my mind, replaying moments that led to my blues. And I cry and I cry and they all ask me, "Why?" And I can't answer because it's to soon to know. I need to finish crying, get a headache, and wake up a few hours later in order to know why I'm crying. I always know, while crying, what set off the crying, what started the crying, but what ignites my crying is simply just the finger triggering the gun. It can happen by accident, at any time, in any circumstance.
The reason for crying is much deeper. It's held in, unexpressed, unreleased, protected. And until I let it out physically, I can't let it out verbally. So when I cry, it's no use asking me how I feel--obviously I'm upset and I can't make any sense.
Patience is so important in dealing with my emotions. "Time is money?" Well, I believe there is something much deeper and beyond the physical world. Time may be money in this physical world, but damn it, I have a soul. Money has no value in the spiritual world. I think my biggest contrast to everyone else I know is that they live immersed in the physical world, whereas I sit on a cloud in a spiritual world. And no matter how much I try to get loved ones to come over into the world I live in, they don't. Maybe they can't see that I want them to crossover into the better world because we live in two different worlds.
It's frustrating to see the people I love suffer stuck in the world which glorifies the material and superficial; meanwhile, I'm almost completely happy: my soul is radiant, my heart is healing, but my mind stays baffled! I guess that's due to the part of me that exists in the physical, as in my physical body and its ties to the important people in my life.
Song of the Day: "Solitude" by Billie Holiday
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment